Sunday, February 26, 2012

Lost and confused....

I am so lost and confused
I was expecting to start my period last week and now I am 8 days late. I tested twice and both negative. I don't know what do. I have no symptoms of my period bit site boobs and no symptoms of pregnancy. If I dint start my period within the next few days I'm going to have to go in for a blood test to see whats going on. I hate this feeling. I gave been under a lot of stress lately so not sure if that's it or not. Ugh...what to do.

I know I need to stop stressing about it but I can't it's so hard.

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Just trucking along....

This tww thing is getting on my nerves. Even though nothing happened this month I'm still waiting for the tww to be over so I can start on my next cycle. I normally don't like to share about my cycles and such but this is such an exciting time in our lives that I want to document everything I can. I hope to one day print all these out and share with our little one. I want them to know how much they are loved and what we went through to be able to conceive them.

I have 3 more weeks of school and I can't wait for it to be over and have my 2 weeks of downtime. I really need it. It's been chaotic in my house lately and really need that time to myself. I've been trying to excercise regularly but it's hard with doing homework all the time and trying to take care of the house.

Hope everyone has a great weekend :)

Monday, February 6, 2012

More road bumps...

When they say that life gives you plenty of hurdles, boy were they right.
Life is not perfect and I am one example of that
Being on clomid 50mg for 3 mths I figured I would get pregnant, well apparently the clomid isn't working as I didn't ovulate this month...
I went in last Friday and they said my follicles were less than 8 and I knew I didn't ovulate. I took my ovulation predictor kits and I should have started testing positive starting Saturday but Saturday came and it was negative. Then Sunday came and it was negative again so I knew this month it wasn't going to happen. This happened to me about 6 mths ago so not everyone ovulates every month. I went back to the doctor this morning for another ultrasound to see if they grew and they were less than 10 so it was confirmed I didn't ouvlate. The nurse called to give me the great news (insert sarcastic voice here) and tell me the doctor wanted me to come in 3 days for another ultrasound just to be sure but my awesome insurance (another sarcastic voice) doesn't pay for my ultrasounds I have to pay out of pocket and at $200 a pop that would be my third in a week so $600 I told her it wasn't necessary and I would cancel this cycle. So I have to wait for my period to start so I can start all over again. I'm waiting to hear back from my insurance as I am not sure if they pay for ultrasounds but I heard if my doctor labels it infertility then the insurance won't pay until I reach my deductible which is $500. Oy vey!

I am so glad I am documenting every single part of my journey good or bad. I wasn't going to but I want my future baby to know what I went through to conceive them and how much they will truly be loved by their parents. I am starting a little story about how Kevin and I met and the bumps we went through to get where we are today in our relationship. In May we will be married 11 years and the end of February we started dating 13 years ago. This is obviously the longest relationship I have ever had and couldn't be happier.

On a positive note we went to church yesterday for the first time in a long time and it felt great. As soon as I walked to my seat it felt good to be their again and I got a little emotional. We were standing up and singing and tears were just rolling down my face. I don't know why I was getting so emotional but it was happy tears. The message of the day was Grace (my church) was a healing place. And man by the end of it I knew that we went yesterday for a reason. I've been up and down in my struggles and needing that message to know that I needed healing and church was the right place to be. I even brought my dad with me for the first time and he loved it. He said he will definitely go back.

Friday, February 3, 2012

ugh...

So went in for my ultrasound this morning to see how my follicles were growing and the ultrasound tech told me that I had a few but they were less than 8. I am so confused. last cycle I had 2 at 16 and the month prior I had 3 bigger than 16 so why this month they were less than 8, I dont understand. So as usual as soon as I walked out the door I bawled my eyes out and called my husband. He of course calmed me down and told me to wait for the nurse to call to explain further. So I waited for her phone call and she called to tell me after talking to the doctor they want me to come back on Monday which will be cd16 for me. I always ovulate cd14 but nurse said don't worry. So if I go back Monday and they didn't grow then they were canceling this month :( so sad. So praying that they grow by Monday and we can do IUI.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

So much on my mind

I've had a lot on my mind lately....

I'm currently going to school for business management but working for my current company I've decided I don't want to work in an office environment anymore, I want to get out there and help people and be moving non stop and constantly be busy. So after some careful consideration I've decided to change my major. I'm going tomorrow to talk to a counselor about this program I'm interested in. There's a few stipilations though. 1. you need a 3.6 gpa to get into program. ok I have a 3.65 now so if I hold strong and keep at it I'm sure I'll do fine. 2. there's a 2-3 yr waiting list to get into this program. I think I can handle that since I have to take pre-requisites and it might take me that long to finish those. And I will be completely changing careers from business to medical. Then there's that thought in the back of my head saying, your 30 you still have 3-4 yrs of school left by the time your done say you'll be 35. Is that to old to start a new career? Plus I'm trying to get pregnant so if I do get pregnant that might hold me back a while. But I'm not going to stop until I get the career I want!

I've also decided to quit my photography business. My heart is not into it anymore. I used to love doing it and going on photoshoots but now it just seems to take up all my extra time. So therefore I will be selling most of my stuff that I have left and maybe my fancy camera and getting something cheaper. I'm not sure yet. I won't need a fancy camera for just hobby stuff and if I have kids one day I will need something nice for that. Plus during the summer my hubby and I enjoy riding motorycles together and I love to spend all my free time with him. I don't want to spend my free time after work behind the computer for hours on end and then kicking myself in the butt for not spending time with him. My philosophy is you never know what's going to happen tomorrow and I don't want to regret anything. This was a hard decision for me.

Tomorrow is my ultrasound appt to check my follicles and hoping to do my 2nd IUI this weekend! Praying tmrw goes well :)